Luna-K

If I wasn't left crying alone all these years, I would have known what to say to you now. Since I was small, the one lesson that I've learn again and again is that when you cry, you cry alone. And it's true in all occasion. Yes. You were never there when I needed you. You weren't there when I broke up with my first boyfriend. You weren't there when I had a fight with my best friend. You weren't there when I didn't get selected to be the head prefect. You weren't even there when I started to become a woman. You were a void. And I hated you with every fiber that made up my being. Including those half that came from you. And I still hate you

Almost one in the afternoon. People passing by in twos or groups. Most of them are smiling, eyes lit up although a little squinted in the heat. It is inevitable to realize that I'm alone and fucked up messy. Smoking here where at any moment I could expect someone dear to show up and catch me red handed. My egos are shouting at each other in my head under the burning sun. I almost wish I could cry but no tears came. Inhaling the poisonous smoke, I could hear mom's voice suddenly standing in front of me. She almost shout, but her voice is cracking at the same time. She asked, for the zillionth time "Why?" And as the smoke finally finds light

Or me. Especially me. Maybe it is 30 after 2 in the morning. I have been feeling quite shitty while smoking. It really doesn't make me feel better. No. But I had two anyway. Seriously, it is crappy. All those chemicals don't make me happy. Not at all. And I was reminded of my first ever. I was, what? 14 or 15? It was out of curiosity. I didn't cough like every first timer we see on TV. It didn't revolt me either. It is as if the cig was made for me. Hey, I'm a natural. Like that 2 year old Indonesian baby? Yeah, just that my parents were two responsible peeps back then. Else I won't be here, crapping. I'd be pushing up daisies. I looked i

You made me walk with tendrils. A rain which wets only my cheeks. Falls in my heart. You made me realize I have nobody but you. I'm here, an embyo lying outside the womb/ There is nowhere to turn to except God. And you're not here. Tell me, what is exactly happening?